So where does your guilt take you? When you’ve lived with it so long, it’s taken on a life of it’s own and it drags everything you’ve ever done down into an abyss of despair, pain and self loathing, where u actually feel at home and start to wallow in the worms of self pity that writhe through your soul and your mind?
Do you feed off the ‘ag shame’ of others, using it and twisting pity to feed the monster that is the black hole in your world that sucks all feeling and hope into it’s broken glass maw, spitting the faeces of your life into the road where it just gets smeared into the unforgiving black, hot tar of what has become your self defeating path?
Guilt just hammers and hammers and hammers at you, breaking open through your pain, tearing open the flesh of your heart and ripping out the meat of your love and throwing it away like yesterdays rice. Your love has no value anymore, can’t be used for strength anymore, weaker than dust and as dried up as a winter leaf.
When did you become numb? When did the pain; the fear; the terror; of those quiet nights fade? When did you look in the mirror and decide, what must be must be. Abyss walls are smeared with the love of those who loved you, and the end is so, so far away, what’s the point of even trying; is that where your guilt takes you?