the amandzing way

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daddy’s in town

daddys in town
feel like im wearing a crown of thorns
being crucified for my belief in me
as he ignores my existence
despite his grandchildrens insistence
that I love him and want to see him
and feel his arms around me
fuck
now im crying
i said i wouldnt
fuck
for 37 years i lied and he was happy with that
truth, it seems is hard to bear
laying my truth bare
want him to share in my new life
tired of all the strife and stress dont
need his blessing just want his hugs
need for his eyes to see im so happy
in my new life with my loving wife

daddys in town
giving me a frown
ive done everything you wanted
given you two strong grandchildren
to be proud of, who can look people in the eye
with a clear eye and a firm handshake
young men who are a credit to our genes
the genes passed from parents to child and from parents
to grandchildren
go back to your england
stay out of my head
my heart’s already broken
thanks to your non-spoken
hatred of me
the longer you deny me…

                                         …how will you ever find me?

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8 Comments

  1. Your words are SO powerful; I feel that pain that you express, and am sending you the BIGGEST hugs ever!!! You have so much to feel proud of and grateful for; and am so sorry that he cannot see that in you…..

    thank you friend

  2. Telemachus says:

    Deep stuff you have here and you handle it well. Your writing conjures up images of Sylvia Plath’s “Daddy.” I’m glad you’re back.

    thank you dude, me too

  3. oniongirl says:

    ah heck, amanzi… we’re all denied – some just for lessor or greater reasons. i wish i knew how we could become our own mothers/fathers/lovers – reliant on no truth but our own.

    i wish the words/truths you allow to flow could take you magic carpeting through it all – but i know it’s not that simple so…

    instead, i’ll just wish an abundance of walking staffs and wells on your path instead – to ease the journey.

    thanks hun

  4. ozymandiaz says:

    family can be the pennicle of our joy and pride
    and above all others they can deride
    they can be the cornerstone on which we build
    and the can devistate our fruits to yield
    they can be the blood flowing in our veins
    and, quite frankly, they can drive us insane

    they do 😦 thanks ozy

  5. abnegation says:

    it makes me feel so much…eye dont know how 2 say…. its beautiful. it touches my soul. it makes me cry. its makes me glad eye got out of bed this morning.

    thank you.
    ——
    “want him to share in my new life/ tired of all the strife and stress dont/ need his blessing just want his hugs/ need for his eyes to see im so happy/ in my new life with my loving wife”

    —–> the sound/ tone here is incredible!

    i just want to see him before he leaves this mortal coil, he’s getting old now :/

  6. bomi says:

    Yay! She’s back! I’m so glad.
    This is incredibly sad and I’m sure many people can relate.
    I never really had a relationship with my dad, he passed away when I was 12 — that was 10 years ago… Gosh! Time does fly.
    Thank you for this 🙂

    thank you. i suppose i should be happy for the time we had, but it was all a lie. the honesty is more important now… and thank you for visiting, your writing is beautiful too.

  7. shoestringspirit says:

    “Go back to your england
    stay out of my head
    my heart’s already broken
    thanks to your non-spoken
    hatred of me”

    that’s some really powerful but beautiful poetry – hope he’s seen these lines 🙂

    thank you

  8. Grey Roger says:

    Thanks -you reminded me as a father that the love between father/daughter/son is unconditional. This is powerful emotive writing obviously because you love so strongly. Wish he could see that instead of the wrapping.

    sometimes we hold onto what we knew, because what has changed threatens a fragile reality too much. thank you grey

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