the amandzing way

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sometimes

when i get so lonely my heart could leak
i imagine if mom was still around
would she be proud
would she say out loud
im proud of my daughter
would she guide me and hold me
as i battle monsters in my head
of self-doubt and guilt and fear and…
failure…
is not allowed
my blood won’t let me
600 years of tradition
keep me on a mission to succeed
weed out the weak and the meek
and to take what i want
to sup from the fountain of power
except
its only what im supposed to do
no more war but now the corporate ladder
makes those still in my life gladder except
i dont want to anymore, this fight
to be free to be me
has drained me emptied me
as if i were a milking cow for the lestat family
but of course thats ridiculous
hahahaha
we all know one is not supposed to live
ones life for another
but still a little part in me
hidden from the twisted light
that probes the cracks in my smile
i imagine if mom was still around
would she be proud
would she say out loud
im proud of my daughter
would she guide me and hold me
as i battle these monsters in my head
of self-doubt and guilt and fear and…
failure…

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1 Comment

  1. Following one’s heart,
    one’s dream,
    in the face of ugly fear:

    That is truly
    how we are meant to LIVE.

    but why fear? what is it about fear that we need it to live?

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